One of the all-time profound, ultimate, unanswered questions humans have is, ‘What is our purpose?’ and ‘What makes our life meaningful and gives us fulfilment?’
The answer to this question is personal. Each person has their own point of view on what gives them ‘purpose’ and 'fulfillment'. For some people it may be the little things, like doing random acts of kindness or seeing pretty sunsets. Others may be wanting to make a difference in the world and leave their impact on the earth. I guess, it could even be all of the above.
No matter what it is for you personally, all I know for sure is that I am currently lost. I love enjoying the little things in life like seeing a beautiful Aussie beach or even just waking up and seeing my loving family and dog. But I want to find something bigger.
I am currently in unprecedented times filled with uncertainty. I went from seeing my friends every day at school to only seeing the friends that genuinely really want to catch up. And even then, I usually only get to hang out with the friends whose work schedules coincide with mine.
Finishing school, I have begun working so much which does give me some sort of fulfillment, as the harder I work, the closer I get to my financial goals. And moving closer to an adult age I have to start paying for adult things like bills, my car and insurance. I have even started getting excited when I see cheap petrol and will call that a win of the day… now that’s just sad.
Anyways, in classic Ruby, overthinking style I thought, although I adore my loving, supportive friends, seeing them and work isn’t enough fulfilment for me. It has no greater means but to help myself. I feel as if I am in a constant cycle of work, hang out with friends so I can maintain relationships with them, sleep then repeat. And at the moment, I feel no sense of meaning in my life. No sense of fulfillment. For 6 years my innocent, young mind just focused on graduating school, with a good end of school result. But now that is done, what do I do?
Yes, I start university soon but even then, what do I do until that starts? And really, university isn’t everything and it isn’t going to be my only fulfillment in this time of my life.
Look, I don’t know if I am writing this and you guys are reading thinking “this chick has some serious deep psychological overthinking problems” (which is true) or if reading this you’re a similar age and can relate. But after listing all those open-ended questions, I really hope you didn’t think I was going to answer them, because I can’t.
I don’t know what my purpose is yet. But I decided to stop stressing about finding it and start enjoying this time for what it is. I'm going to make it my purpose to enjoy having very few responsibilities and ultimately not having high expectations of what to do with my time. I stopped feeling guilty about treating myself to a breaky out or maybe asking for some time off work because I may never get this sense of freedom again. I started enjoying every little moment with my friends because even if I loose some of my school friends, I still have some pretty awesome ones who love me. I started enjoying little things in life, like going to the beach, sleeping in or admiring a flower. Okay, I now sound super hippy and airy fairy but my point is, this is a time of doing nothing and maybe that is exactly what I am meant to be doing.
That’s my ramble.
Ruby x
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